For real. It’s okay to be tired. In fact, it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling, at any time, about any thing. We complain about the ways other people try to police our feelings and actions. But I want to spend a few minutes talking with you about how we do that to ourselves way more than we may realize.
A little example
Life has been challenging me over the past six months. It has served up some doozies in the “let’s see what else we can add to her plate” department. And yet, even as I type that, I’m acutely aware that it could be sooooo much worse.
And the self-shaming starts. (Who am I to complain? What have I really got to complain about? I don’t have any “real” problems.)
Let’s stop for a moment. Why do we do that? Why do we experience a feeling, and then immediately tell ourselves we’ve got no business feeling that way? How does it help us? How does it hurt us? I’ll answer for my example above, and I’d love for you to answer for your own examples. I think we need to unpack this more than I can do in one post.
Unpack that
When I say that life is challenging me, I feel like I’m complaining. I was taught not to complain, so I stop. But it doesn’t help me feel better. Instead, I start telling myself all the reasons why I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed, how things could be so much worse. And that there must be something wrong with me that I can’t “just figure things out.”
Anyone else? Just me?
So how does this help me? Well, I get to save face. If I don’t “complain,” or immediately cover for my complaining by recognizing out loud that things could be worse, I look like less of a whiner/loser/weak/fill in the blank. (I can get pretty nasty with myself, but I’ll spare you those names.)
And how does it hurt me? By making me feel like I have to just suck it up and figure it out. Soldier on. Be strong. Blah blah blah. It does absolutely nothing to comfort me, support me, reassure me, or help me problem-solve. Instead, I feel like I need to just push those feelings down further and pretend they don’t exist.
Help me break this vicious cycle
Let’s not. This behavior does far more harm than good. Life getting you down? It’s okay to feel down, overwhelmed, stressed out, or just plain old tired. Whatever feelings you’re experiencing, they are valid. Give them space to exist, even for a little while. Maybe they’re trying to tell you something and just need to be heard before they move along. Maybe they’re an indication of something that needs attention. If we just tell ourselves to push them away, disregarding their value, we’ll never know.
