Ah, yes. One of my favorite topics—assumptions. The year is off and running. Maybe there’s a sense of excitement about a fresh start. And then the reality of how us humans tend to communicate amidst the busyness that is our lives.

With a lot of assumptions baked in.

We assume people know what we mean when we use vague language like “be more proactive” or “improve quality” or “show more initiative.”

We assume they understand the context we’re operating from – the pressures we’re under, the constraints we’re navigating, the priorities driving our decisions.

We assume they’ll ask questions if they’re unclear.

And then we’re surprised and frustrated when they don’t deliver what we wanted.

But here’s the thing: if you haven’t been crystal clear about what you actually need, you haven’t set an expectation. You’ve set an assumption.

And assumptions are terrible foundations for accountability.

This kicks off a 3-part series on assumptions inherent in setting expectations, holding each other accountable, and giving/receiving feedback. Let’s start with expectations.

Assumptions Series Part 1: Where Expectations Go Wrong

I had a client once who was furious with her team member.

“He just doesn’t get it,” she told me. “I’ve told him what I need, and he keeps missing the mark. Every single time.”

So I asked her: “What exactly did you tell him?”

Long pause.

“Well, I said we needed to be more strategic about our approach.”

I waited.

“And… that’s it?”

Yeah. That’s it.

Her team member wasn’t failing to meet expectations. He had no idea what the expectations actually were.

This is where assumptions live and thrive – in the gap between what we think we’ve communicated and what we’ve actually said.

What Clear Expectations Actually Require

Setting clear expectations isn’t about being demanding or micromanaging. It’s about being specific enough that someone can actually succeed.

That means saying what you mean:

Instead of: “I need you to be more responsive.” Try: “When I send you an email, I need a response within 24 hours, even if it’s just ‘I got this and I’ll have an answer by Friday.'”

Instead of: “We need higher quality work.” Try: “Before you submit this, I need you to check it against our style guide, run spell check, and have at least one other person review it.”

Instead of: “I need you to take more ownership.” Try: “When you see a problem, I want you to bring it to me along with at least one potential solution. Don’t wait for me to notice it first.”

See the difference? The second version gives someone something they can actually do.

The Assumptions We Make When Receiving Expectations

It’s not just about how we set expectations. It’s also about how we receive them.

I’ve watched too many people nod along in a meeting, say “got it,” and then go do something completely different. Not because they’re incompetent or weren’t listening. Because they made assumptions about what was being asked.

They assumed “increase engagement” meant one thing when their manager meant something entirely different.

They assumed they understood the timeline when the deadline was actually much tighter than they thought.

They assumed “check in with me” meant once a week when it actually meant daily.

The assumptions we make when receiving expectations are just as dangerous as the assumptions we make when setting them.

How to Bridge the Gap

So how do we stop this cycle?

When you’re setting expectations:

Make sure you can clearly articulate the following:

• WHAT needs to happen, in detail
• WHEN it needs to be completed, along with any interim steps/benchmarks
• WHY this task/project matters in the big scheme of things, and why this person is the best one to get it done
• WHO else is involved, could be a resource, and has eyes on this
• HOW you’d like any specific pieces done

Once you’ve communicated those points, check for clarity by asking for agreement. But not just an open-ended “What questions do you have?” where you leave it at that. More like any one (or all) of the following:

• “I’ve given you a lot of information. Before I start asking you some questions, do you have any for me?”
• “What other priorities do you have on your plate right now that might compete with this one?”
• “What’s the first step you think you’ll take to get started?”
• “What challenges might come up?”

You get the idea. Asking specific questions that give the other person the chance to think it through, confirm next steps, and get agreement to these expectations will help ensure that they have the confidence they need to get started.

When you’re receiving expectations:

Repeat back what you heard. “So just to confirm, you need X by Y date, and it should include Z. Is that right?”

Ask about priorities. “If I can only get to three of these five things this week, which are most important?”

Get specific about check-ins. “How often do you want updates? What format works best for you?”

Don’t assume. Ever. If something feels vague or unclear, it probably is. Ask the clarifying question.

Bottom line?

Most miscommunication isn’t about bad intentions or lack of effort. It’s about assumptions filling the gaps where clarity should be.

The next time you’re setting an expectation, pause and ask yourself: “Have I been specific enough that this person can actually succeed?”

And the next time you’re receiving one, ask yourself: “Do I actually know what’s being asked of me, or am I making assumptions?”

Clarity is kindness. Assumptions are expensive.

Choose clarity.

Next week, we’ll talk about where assumptions show up in accountability – and why they make holding people (and ourselves) accountable so much harder than it needs to be.

Are these challenges you’re experiencing with your own team? Reach out if you’d like to have a conversation about it.

Talk soon, Ellen

Want to learn more about how I support and work with clients? Let’s chat. Booking now for spring 2026.