I’ve been working with a lot of teams on accountability conversations lately. If you find this to be a topic that you avoid, or that creates challenges for you, you’re not alone. Too often, we avoid what’s hard. That may be because we view it as confrontational, or because we aren’t sure how to do it in a way that gets the results we want. I’m hopeful that this week’s article will give you some ideas and guidance on things you could try.
I love hearing from you so much. Thank you to everyone who sends me notes back about how these articles are impacting you. And if there are topics you would find helpful for me to address here, I’d love to know that, too. My goal is always to support you in your work life, and help those everyday interactions go a little bit better.
Today’s article is part two in a three-part series I’m doing on the ways that assumptions interfere with expectations, accountability, and feedback. If you missed the first part, you can find it here. Let’s dive in.
When Accountability Falls Apart
I was coaching a leader who was avoiding a hard conversation she needed to have.
One of her team members kept missing deadlines. She was frustrated. Resentful, even. But she hadn’t said anything to him about her frustration. She just kept calling him out in front of the team to see if he’d met the deadline yet.
“What’s stopping you from asking him what’s going on?” I asked.
“Because I shouldn’t have to hold his hand,” she said. “He’s been here long enough. He knows how important these deadlines are. And I know no one wants to be micromanaged.”
I paused. “Do you know why he keeps missing them?”
Longer pause.
“I mean… no. I’m assuming it’s because he has a lot to juggle and isn’t prioritizing this task.”
There it was. The magic word. Assume.
This is where assumptions kill accountability. We assume we know the reasons behind why people are falling short. We assume they understand the impact. We assume they’ll self-correct or ask for help if they want it.
And then we get frustrated when they don’t.
The Accountability Assumption Cycle
Here’s how it usually goes:
Someone doesn’t meet an expectation. (Often because some aspect of the expectation was vague in the first place – see last week’s email.)
We assume they understood it in the first place.
We assume they understand why it matters.
We assume they’ll figure out how to fix it on their own.
We wait. They don’t change.
We get more frustrated. We start creating stories about their commitment, their competence, their attitude. And then, when we finally have the conversation – if we have it at all – it comes out sideways. With an edge. Sometimes with passive aggression. The team member feels attacked. Accountability becomes punitive in their mind. It starts to make them want to avoid you.
Trust erodes. Performance doesn’t improve. Everyone loses.
Where Assumptions Hide in Accountability
Assumptions show up in accountability in sneaky ways:
We assume they were clear from the beginning about the task, the timeline, why it matters, who else is involved, where to go for help, and how to get started.
Sometimes they genuinely don’t. What feels obvious to you isn’t always obvious to them. Maybe they prioritized something else they thought was more important. Maybe they didn’t understand the expectation. Maybe they hit an obstacle you don’t know about.
You can’t hold someone accountable for something they don’t know they’re being held accountable for. That’s what makes getting agreement to the expectation so critically important. It’s confirmation that we’re all on the same page before any work gets started.
We assume they understand the impact.
You know that their late report delayed the entire project timeline. They might just think it was a minor hiccup. You know their communication style is creating friction on the team. They might have no idea.
Impact isn’t always visible from the inside. Try to separate intent from impact. Assume positive intent on their part. If they are part of your team, chances are high that they want to do a good job. But it’s likely they don’t understand the impact their actions (or lack thereof) is having on the team, on the project, and on you.
We assume they should have asked for help.
“If they needed support, they should have said something.”
But did you make it safe for them to say they were struggling? Did you check in? Or did you just assume they’d speak up if they needed anything?
Our team members begin to equate accountability with punishment.
This one runs deep. Accountability isn’t about making someone feel bad or proving they were wrong. It’s about clarity, learning, and course correction.
When we approach accountability as punishment, people get defensive. When we approach it as support, people get better.
How to Hold People Accountable Without Assumptions
Start with an assumption of positive intent and be specific about the impact.
Instead of, “You were late again on your report.”
Try, “I’m assuming your intention is to be a productive member of the team. However, when you’re consistently missing deadlines, it makes it much harder for the rest of the team to move forward on the overall project.”
By saying it out loud, you’re doing two things. First, you’re letting your team member know that you think they are trying. Second, you’re stating the assumption out loud which creates an opportunity for them to correct you if it’s untrue. (Which will lead to another conversation altogether, if they do not have positive intent.)
And by stating the impact, you’re helping them understand why it matters. Not to make them feel guilty, but to help them see the bigger picture.
Get curious before you get critical.
“Help me understand what’s getting in the way.”
“What support do you need to make this happen?”
“What’s your perspective on what’s been happening?”
Maybe there’s context you’re missing. Maybe there are obstacles you can help remove. Maybe they’ve been struggling and didn’t know how to tell you.
Be clear about what needs to change.
“Going forward, I need those reports by 5pm every Friday. If you’re going to miss that deadline, I need you to let me know by Wednesday so we can problem-solve together.”
Specific expectations. Clear timeline. No assumptions about what “do better” means.
Follow up consistently.
This is where most accountability falls apart. We have the conversation once and then never mention it again. Real accountability requires follow-through. Check in. Notice when things improve. Address it promptly when they don’t.
Consistency is what makes accountability work.
When You’re Being Held Accountable
It works both ways. When someone is trying to hold you accountable and you’re not clear on what they need, ask.
“Can you be more specific about what you’re seeing?”
“What would success look like to you?”
“How often do you want me to check in on this?”
Don’t assume you know what they want. Don’t assume you understand the impact. Ask.
Bottom line?
Accountability without clarity is just frustration dressed up as leadership.
If you haven’t been specific about expectations, you can’t hold someone accountable for not meeting them. If you haven’t named the impact, you can’t assume they understand why it matters. If you haven’t asked what’s getting in the way, you’re missing critical information. And if you’re not following up consistently, you’re not actually holding anyone accountable.
Stop assuming. Start clarifying.
Next week, we’ll tackle the final piece: where assumptions show up in feedback – both giving it and receiving it.
Talk soon, Ellen
Want to learn more about how I support and work with clients? Let’s chat. Booking now for spring 2026.
