How to lead effectively has got to be one of the most searched topics related to leadership. And that’s great that people are searching for answers. It indicates an openness and willingness to improve. But the advice or guidance that comes back is often so vague, so broad, or so ethereal that many of us struggle to put it into practice. That doesn’t surprise me. Well, practical tips are my specialty, so I’d like to share three ways to lead with compassion. And yes, all of these were learned the hard way.
Tip #1: Listen.
Yes, all of these tips are simple on the surface. No, none of them are easy to put into practice consistently. And yes, I’m going to give you the practical strategy part I mentioned above.
First, I’d invite you to spend a week noticing your own listening habits. Are you a multi-tasker? Do you find yourself saying, “I’m listening” to other people? If so, that’s a great indication that whether you think you’re listening well or not, you feel like you need to explain that you are. And if you have to explain that you are listening, you’re probably not listening as deeply as the other person or people would like.
Next, for another week, try giving your full attention to only one thing at a time. Someone stops by your desk? Stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention. Not a good time? Say that. Ask when you can connect later, or ask them to give you a couple minutes to finish what you’re doing. Lean into listening without distractions. See what happens.
Tip #2: Ask for feedback.
There are formal and informal ways to do this. Both have value. Let’s start with the informal. Here are a few questions you can ask people you work with on a regular basis. You can also ask key customers or clients these questions. What you hear may surprise you.
- Can you share three positive characteristics or attributes you notice in me?
- What is the most important thing I could do to improve how I interact with you?
- Is there anything else I should be aware of that I might not be right now?
You might want to tailor those questions to your specific audience, but you get the gist. Strengths, limitations, and blind spots.
More formal methods of feedback usually involve a facilitated process and an assessment where you and others rate your behavior. It’s usually a more anonymous process. There is value in both ways of getting feedback.
Tip #3: Put yourself in their shoes.
Again, super simple advice. Much harder to do on a consistent basis. What we’re really talking about here is empathy. Some leaders I’ve met over the years mistake empathy for letting people off the hook, or making excuses for them, or being “soft.” Bullshit.
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes means that you’re taking a moment to see things from their perspective. You’re shifting your paradigm to better understand whatever they are trying to get you to see. Maybe it’s to help them prioritize. Or problem-solve. Maybe you want to help them simply feel seen and heard. Don’t underestimate the value of that last one. When someone feels seen and heard, they feel appreciated. It cultivates loyalty and strengthens trust. There’s nothing “soft” about that.
And there you have it. Three ways to lead with compassion. Try them out and let me know what you think. And if you’re ready for a partner to help you grow in this way, you know where to find me. (It’s right here. Email me, DM me, or leave a comment.) For another take on leading with empathy, check out this article.
