The Hero Complex at Work: Stop Rewarding the Person Who Over-functions

Someone very close to me who shall remain unnamed is this person—the one that quietly absorbs more work. The one that picks up the pieces that get dropped. The one who has a very hard time saying no, pushing back, or asking for help.

Some of you close to me can guess who I’m talking about.

I’m not here to shame that person or anyone like them. I’m here to raise the issue because so many of you responded to the article about doing everything yourself. It seems to be a topic that resonates. Well, this is part of what happens as a consequence, and we need to talk about it.

I’ll use a recent, real example to pick this apart a bit.

Amanda is one of these people who just keeps absorbing more work without complaining. She works in a male-dominated industry, which adds even more pressure to be seen as a high performer rather than someone who “complains.”

After continuously agreeing to take on more things for several months, she was feeling the stress. She was late on a few tasks. Her boss called it out in a team meeting in front of everyone. He told her to “do better.”

Amanda decided it was time to talk with him about her workload. She wondered if maybe he didn’t realize everything that was on her plate. She considered what the other members of the team were responsible for and realized the workload was pretty imbalanced. A few of the other members of the team were putting in the required 45 hours as salaried folks, and a few more were “eight and skate.” Amanda was routinely putting in 50-60 per week. Every week.

She scheduled time with her boss, Henry, with the goal of making sure he was aware of just how much was on her plate, and came with suggestions for how some of the work could be redistributed to other team members. She also came prepared to clarify that they were aligned on her priorities.

He listened to her, and then proceeded to reject every suggestion she made about how to fix the problem. Instead, he told her that he’d just take away her responsibilities for overseeing part of the team. She was stunned by that suggestion but didn’t feel she could push back. Instead, she left feeling angry, unheard, and un-helped. After stewing about it for an hour or so, she went back to him and said, “Never mind. You don’t need to take away supervision of my team. I’ll just figure it out.” Henry smiled and said, “Great!”

Let’s take this apart.

Henry is not being an effective leader. He’s rewarding Amanda’s tendencies to over-function. He’s not asking questions about why she’s struggling to meet deadlines, or showing any interest in making sure she’s not burning out under the pressure. And he’s not holding the full team to the same standards of work.

A better response is to get curious about the team member’s challenges.

“What’s getting in the way of the work getting done?”

“What are you carrying right now that others may not see?”

“What have you taken on because you were worried it would not get done?”

“What needs to come off your plate before we add anything else?”

Amanda is not in the clear here either. Her tendency to just keep absorbing more work without clarifying how it will affect other projects on her plate is harmful to everyone—to her, to the team, and to her boss. She isn’t speaking up for herself. She isn’t asking more questions. She’s got a hero complex.

Henry and managers in general would benefit from regularly evaluating the workload balance of their team. Here are a few more questions that might help:

What is the workload balance among the team?

Does any team member need support, clearer expectations, a skill, or a direct accountability conversation?

How is accountability working in practice? Do we have clear expectations for reporting on progress in place?

Those questions can reveal a great deal about how the team actually functions.

The most reliable people (i.e. the heroes) may be proud of their ability to handle a lot. They may also need permission to stop proving it every day.

Do not wait until they break, disengage, or resign to notice how much they have been carrying.

And do not keep treating their capacity as an unlimited organizational resource.

Dependability deserves to be valued.

It should not be exploited.

And to the Amandas out there… speak up. Asking for help isn’t a weakness. You might just be denying someone else an opportunity to shine.

Want some help with wherever you land in this scenario? Reach out. I’d love to connect and discuss how I might be able to help.