Happy International Coaching Week!
Wait, you don’t celebrate?? You should. Coaching isn’t just something those of us who are professionally certified can do. (And you know I’m available to help anytime if you want support.) Rather, coaching is a way of leading. What better time to explore what that can look like than during International Coaching Week?
Somewhere along the way, we seem to have collectively embraced this idea that we should “tell” the answer rather than help someone else figure out the right way forward. But that’s not the only option. In fact, it’s not an option I would recommend most of the time.
To be clear, there are absolutely moments when a leader needs to be direct. If the building is on fire, that’s not the time to gather everyone in a circle and ask, “What are we noticing about the smoke?”
We’ve talked many times before about the essential nature of setting clear expectations that involve getting agreement. Our team members also sometimes need their leaders to make decisions and set the direction for them. But if your default leadership move is to tell people what to do, how to do it, why they should do it, what they missed, what you would have done, and what they should think about next time, you are not developing people. You are training them to wait for you.
And that, my friend, is a dereliction of duty.
A coaching leader doesn’t abdicate responsibility. They don’t sit silently while someone flounders. They don’t turn every conversation into a therapy session or a Socratic maze that makes people want to throw a stapler.
A coaching leader helps people think. That’s the shift.
Instead of assuming your job is to provide the answer, you begin by asking, “What does this person need in order to find the path forward?”
Sometimes they need a question.
Sometimes they need a reflection.
Sometimes they need feedback.
Sometimes they need a direct suggestion.
Sometimes they need you to say, “I’m going to be blunt because dancing around this isn’t helping either one of us.”
That’s still coaching leadership. The difference is intention.
Here are a few ways any professional can start becoming more of a coaching leader. You don’t need to be in an official, titled leadership position to practice these skills and add value to everyone around you.
1. Ask before you advise
Most of us move too quickly into advice because it feels useful. It also feels efficient. The problem is that advice often solves the wrong problem.
Someone says, “I’m having trouble with this project,” and we jump into solution mode. But if we don’t know exactly what the problem is and what might be causing it, we’re just throwing proverbial spaghetti at the wall.
Try slowing yourself down with one question first: “What feels most stuck right now?”
That question does something advice can’t do. It helps the other person locate the actual problem.
And yes, sometimes they will say, “I don’t know.” Fine. That’s useful information, too. Now you know they need help sorting, not solving.
2. Stop stealing the learning
You can see the answer. You know the shortcut. You’ve made this mistake before and would love to save them from it.
But every time you rush in to prevent discomfort, you may also be preventing growth.
That doesn’t mean you let people crash and burn. It means you let them form a point of view. You let them think through consequences. You let them build the muscle instead of borrowing yours every time.
Try asking:
“What options have you considered so far?”
“What do you think the risks are?”
“What would you do if I weren’t available to weigh in?”
That last one can feel a little rude. That’s okay. Sometimes useful questions have a tiny edge.
3. Give feedback that creates movement
Useful feedback is specific enough that someone can do something with it. “Be more professional” is not feedback. “When you interrupted three times in that meeting, the conversation shifted away from the person who was trying to explain the problem” is feedback.
A coaching leader connects feedback to impact:
“Here’s what I observed.”
“Here’s the impact it had.”
“What was happening for you in that moment?”
“What could you try differently next time?”
That combination matters. Observation. Impact. Reflection. Action.
Not shame. Not blame. Not a dramatic character assessment.
4. Help people name their next step
A good coaching conversation should not end with everyone feeling vaguely inspired and completely unclear about what happens next.
Before you wrap up, ask: “What’s the next right step?” Not the perfect step. Not the 47-part implementation plan. The next right step.
Then get concrete.
“When will you do that?”
“What support do you need?”
“What might get in the way?”
5. Remember that coaching is not softness
People hear “coaching leader” and imagine someone endlessly patient, gentle, and affirming. That can be part of it. But coaching can also be direct, challenging, and uncomfortable. If you’ve worked with me directly, you’ve probably seen this on display.
Good coaching asks people to look at their assumptions. Their habits. Their avoidance. Their impact. Their part in the pattern they keep complaining about.
A coaching leader believes people are capable enough to be challenged.
So no, you don’t need a coaching credential to lead this way. You need curiosity, discipline, and enough humility to stop assuming your answer is always the answer. And you need enough courage to give uncomfortable feedback when that feedback would really help.
The next time someone brings you a problem, resist the urge to immediately solve it.
Pause.
Ask one better question.
Then listen long enough for something useful to emerge.
And if want to talk about how I can support you and your team, I’m always open for a no-pressure conversation to explore options. Find time on my calendar here.
