I feel like a broken record, but I remain both surprised and appalled at how quickly this year has raced by. As I wrap up work for the year, I’m taking a moment to pause. To find some stillness. To make sure I’m not living a life unexamined.
This year was a doozy in my house. Since 2020, when my eldest son needed to move to Chicago for his wellbeing and mental health, we’ve been down to one kid at home. Sure, the eldest came to visit, and the middle bonus kid would come for weekends here and there. But in primary residence, we had just one.
And then, everything changed.
In late February, the middle bonus kid came to us and asked for help. She revealed the depths of her suffering at home, something we had wondered but been unable to confirm. When she asked if she could please move in, we didn’t hesitate. While we knew it would be a long road for her to find her feet, we had no idea just how hard it would be. For all of us.
In May, the eldest son asked if he could move back home to continue with college at a university here in Michigan. He’d live on campus, but wanted to be here for the summer and take up residence with us again. We’d all noticed how much he was already leaning on us and his younger sibling for familial support, and we again didn’t hesitate. The remaining bedroom was occupied. (Sorry, potential house guests!)
I’m not sure how much people know about the everyday realities of being in a blended family. I sure as hell didn’t before creating one 16 years ago. I think some families have Hallmark-like experiences. At least, that’s what social media tells us. Not us. Sure, we have lots of love here and lots of great moments. But it’s also quite possibly the most challenging experience of my life. And there are no shortcuts. You gotta go through.
With normal everyday stresses of life, work, school, money, and such, it’s been….interesting. And then there’s the management of the parking spots in the driveway that once seemed spacious and now feels like a passive aggressive jockeying for holiday shopping EVERY DAY. (I may have put myself to bed a bit earlier than usual a few times this year.)
When I’m in the middle of these difficult moments, frustration and tensions mount. We all get a little sick of each other. (It’s not a big house.) Learning how to effectively parent someone we didn’t raise who is neurodivergent and has never been properly parented is so very hard. Not fighting with each other and remembering that we have to stick together, sometimes feels even harder.
And yet, here we are.
The middle bonus kid now drives and works. Those were massive milestones for her to achieve. When I visited the Goodwill where she works recently, I found the sign pictured here. It took my breath away and caused an emotional moment standing in housewares. “Live Fully Alive.” As I glanced around trying to get myself together, I realized that I’ve forgotten to do that at some points this year.
Finding some stillness means (for me) taking some time to be fully present. To breathe, taking that real and deep breath that my body needs. It’s a reminder to slow down or to stop completely sometimes and take it all in. I know how significant it is that these young adults WANT to be here in our not-very-big, not-fancy with not-enough-parking space. I’m committing to myself (and to you, dear reader) to hang onto that more going into the New Year.
For now, I’m going to commit a radical act of self love and take the next two weeks off to hang out with my wife and kids. I hope you’ll find moments of stillness to examine all the pieces of your year. What would living more fully alive look like for you in the coming year? From my blended, imperfect, and beautiful family to yours, we’re sending you warmest wishes for a healthy, joyful, safe, and fulfilling end of the year!
